Playful Parenting is my favorite of the parenting books I’ve read lately. I like the way Cohen advocates a gentle, playful approach with kids but also admits how hard it is to achieve that rather than piling guilt on parents for feeling too tired to be playful and too overwhelmed not to scold. I’ve been applying several of the principles from the book and in general things are going better. I’m nagging, scolding, and yelling less which isn’t to say not at all just less. And my relationship with M feels less confrontational than it did a few weeks ago.
Some of my favorite advice/quotes from the book:
– A child who is calling you names or making faces is really trying to say they love you and they want to get close just like a junior high boy who teases a girl to show that he likes her. Cohen suggest responding to name-calling with “I love you too” or “You can call me stupid but don’t call me [insert ridiculous name or nonsense word].
– “The process of growing up and learning things and mastering new skills brings lots of frustration and this frustration is released by giggles (when you’re lucky) or tears (when the feeling is too strong to come out through laughter).
– “Follow the Giggles” which he says means doing something over and over again if it makes a child giggle. Enjoy that moment of laugher together. I’ve been working hard on doing this and trying to turn what could be an angry or tearful moment into a funny one. This has meant a lot of jokes about butts and poop but we’re having fun 🙂
– Cohen warns that fun play can help a child release strong emotions which could mean that giggles suddenly turn to tears and tantrums leaving the parent confused about what has happened. He suggest just sitting with the child rather than trying to convince them that they are fine or that they were just having fun so there is no reason to be upset.
– “…look inside to see if you are saying no [to a game or an activity] out of your own feelings of discomfort or because it is really necessary.”
– “We are often reluctant to give love to people who have been bad even if it is what they need.”
– “Instead of trying to get children to be obedient, I recommend we strive for them to have good judgment.”
– “We punish children for being messy, for being noisy, for being selfish, for being cranky when they are tired, for being impulsive – in short, for being children.” I’m trying my best to remember not to do this.
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